The Reality Poll

Bernie’s supporters are upset.  I understand the anguish, but let’s get real.  There’s no law saying you have to vote (not in the U.S. at least), so feel free to sit out this dance.  But before you shirk your civic duty, let’s play a little game called “Trump or….”

Here’s how it goes.


Election 2016.

If the election were held tomorrow, and you had to make a choice, who would get your vote?

Trump or….

A Dead Snake

snake

Well, this is a no-brainer.  The dead snake is a timeless classic.  Wins every time.  DS is discreet.  He doesn’t throw gasoline on fires, he’s not one to make trouble with our allies, and despite that forked tongue, he’s not a pathological liar.  His diplomatic skills far outpace Trump’s, and he’d be a decorative asset to the Oval Office.

checkmark2Dead Snake by a mile!

 


Voldemort

voldemort

Although Voldemort is the embodiment of absolute evil, he does have some advantages over Trump.  By all accounts, he is intelligent.   He delivers on promises to his followers.  He is charming, clever, and good-looking (or was, before he turned himself into an immortal serpent- demon).  True, he wants world domination by any means possible, but…oh, wait.  So does Trump.

checkmark2Voldemort cruises to victory!

 


The Ghost of Richard Milhouse Nixon

nixon ghost

Tricky Dick had to leave the White House by helicopter under a cloud of shame, after it was proven that he had used the power of the presidency for his own vengeful ends. He was paranoid, racist, pessimistic, and secretive.  On the plus side, he did take the job seriously. He had to be forced out, rather than hinting from Day One that he would leave voluntarily if people didn’t “treat him right”.  That’s a big plus.  The fact he’s dead and his ghost is (presumably) made of ectoplasm means he won’t be a threat with the nuclear codes.  Also, the helicopter was a nice understated touch…compare that with the gold-plated Trump jumbo jet.

checkmark2Ghost of Nixon in a landslide!


Lucrezia Borgia

lucrezia

Lucrezia was a legendary poisoner, though current historians  say most of that was a myth. The myth was pretty good though – they  say she baked yummy poisoned treats for local orphans, then scientifically detailed how quickly they died, and if the antidotes she gave them later worked.   She clearly had a better mind for the scientific process than Trump, who seems to have the attention span of a gnat and the belief system of a four-year-old raised by wolves.  Also, her father was a Pope, which means she’d get the Catholic vote, easy.

checkmark2I’m with her.


Chris Sale

torn shirt

Chris Sale is a rebel with a pocketknife.  When he sees something uncomfortable, ugly, or just plain wrong, he takes action.  Granted, he takes the kind of action that prompts most parents to keep knives, scissors, and matches locked up in the top drawer of the tall cabinet. Furthermore, he takes action that affects the whole team without checking in with them first – think of that kid in school who threw a spitball into the cafeteria’s cauldron of chicken soup – now no one has to eat it!

Still, I’ll give him points for decisiveness, a spirit of inclusion and realism, since getting new uniforms is low-impact compared to, say, allowing Putin to invade the Balkans.

checkmark2President Sale it is.


Double Ticket: Roger Ailes / Dominque Strauss-Kahn

Gulp.  I know.  Two old sociopath sexual predators in positions of great power, one of them arrested for raping a hotel housekeeper…ummmm…I guess I’ll have to vote for….for…can you tell me again where they stand on climate change?  Wait – my head just exploded.  See you next week!

head explodes

 

 

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