Trump me, bitch!

Recently, I sat down with myself to talk about Donald Trump. I’m glad I did, because it was the hugest, biggest, bestest, and best rated interview I’ve ever done with myself.  Easiest, too.

I:             So….Trump?

Looking presidential!
Looking presidential!

Me:        Love him.

I:             Really?  You love him?

Me:        Absolutely.  Give me a bowl of popcorn and I could watch him all day.

I:             But the stuff he says!

Me:        He’s almost as good as your Mom, and you know the zingers SHE comes up with!

I:             Yes, but she was born in 1929.

Me:        I think Trump was too, though.

I:             Back to politics – do you think the fact he called women “fat pigs, disgusting animals” and “dogs” with “blood coming out of their whereevers” will hurt him with the female vote?

Me:        Naw.

I:             You know, your clever friend George called him a “warthog with an orange hairball on his head”.

Me:        Yes.  Very apt, although George did follow up by apologizing to the warthog community.

I:             I hear they’re up in arms.

Me:        The warthogs?  Do they have arms?

Also looking presidential!
Also looking presidential.

I:             Back to politics.  What are Trump’s chances of winning the Republican nomination?

Me:        (quickly and softly under breath, fingers crossed): oh pleeze pleeze pleeze pleeze pleeze

I:             I mean, they’d have to be suicidal to nominate him.

Me:        True, but who else do they really have?  Scott Walker?

I:             You know who I feel the sorriest for?

Me:        Yeah.  Chris Christie.

I:             That’s right!  Before Trump, HE was the one who could say outrageous stuff.  But now, he looks so tame next to The Donald, or El Donaldo Pendejasso (which is what I assume they call him in Mexico).

Me:        Yes.  So very, very tame.

Nature isn't always pretty.
Nature isn’t always pretty.

I:             So what do you think Trump’s next move will be?

Me:        Who knows?  That’s the fun part.  Will he open up the Big Book of Racial Slurs again?  Will he keep talking about women?  I’m sure he’s got a LOT more to say on that subject. Will he once again confuse the unbelievably complicated responsibilities and obligations of the President of the United States of America interacting on a global stage with  getting good ratings on a cheap cable reality show?  Will he show his vulnerable side and open up about how he dies a little bit inside when he hears phrases like “a warthog with an orange hairball”?

...and neither is politics.
…and neither is politics.

Me:           And, don’t forget, there are whole swaths of the world that he hasn’t disparaged yet.  Think what he could say once he learns they exist!

I:             But what if he really DOES become president?

Me:  Then I predict it will be Canada that will have to build a wall on its southern border.

Don’t forget to Trump your Cat!


  1. I did not sign a release or agree to a percentage amount for my commentary. You will be hearing from my lawyers as soon as someone posts bail for them. Signed, Clever George

    • The short explanation: “ho” is slang for “whore” (or “whooooo-or” as they say in parts of New England).

      A whore is a paid professional. A slut gives it up for free.

      Alternately, a slut is a woman who acts like men do — I don’t think there’s any equivalent for a man who has many temporary sexual partners — that is supposed to be normal? Hopefully, “slut” will soon go the way of other such outdated words describing Victorian social norms for women (such as “strumpet”, “fille de joie”, “lady of the evening”, “bawd”, “harlot”, “scarlet woman”, “spinster”, “old maid”, “good housekeeper”)

      • Yeah, except the vernacular ‘as really distorted the meaning of “whore”; from Wiktionary:

        “3. (vulgar) A person who is unscrupulous, especially one who compromises their principles for gain.

        4. (vulgar) A person who will violate behavioral standards to achieve something desired.”

        Leading to contemporary terms like “post-whore”; from Wiktionary, again:

        “1. (Internet slang, derogatory) A message board user who regularly posts comments usually seen as useless, like “me too”, the purpose being to accumulate large numbers of posts in a short amount of time, either for bragging rights or to take advantage of certain board features that reward high postcounts.”

        Which leads me right back to asking, “what’s meant, on the streets, when some brother or sister calls another a ‘ho’?

        Watch out, Janie, you’re only looking at this from a feminist angle!

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