It’s Nov 9th, and we’re all packing our bags for Canada as President Trump gets his White House transition team in place.
Did I scare you? It’s just a little Halloween prank. But before Donald shuffles off the national stage once and for all and disappears back into his troll-hole, I thought I’d take the time to say…
Thank you, Donald Trump!
Where can I start? There are so many things I’m grateful for.
Thank you for being the poster boy for sexual harassment
Women of all ages are finally talking to their husbands, friends, and brothers about their own personal experiences with sexual harassment. Turns out, every woman has had an experience. Women didn’t talk about it before because it’s embarrassing and, frankly, it was just part of life itself. Now, thanks to Trump, men of good faith throughout the nation are quivering and shaking with rage as they hear their beloved wives, sisters, and friends tell stories about getting groped on planes, street corners, elevators, buses, and in the boss’s office. They want to take Trump behind the gym. I don’t condone violence, but I appreciate the feeling.
Thank you for being a Racist Tool
After Obama was elected, us white folks all breathed a sigh of relief. “Yay! Racism is finished,” we thought. Well, not exactly. But – and I really believe this – electing President Obama was the beginning of the end of racism as an American Way of Life. And thank you, Donald Trump for helping Obama! You have exposed the ugly underbelly of racism in America for all to see. If we thought we’d seen the last of David Duke when he lost his bet to become Louisiana’s governor in 1991 ….well, we have. After Nov 9th, he’ll be the big fish in the small cesspool again.
It took you, Donald Trump, to put racism in perspective. Maybe, just maybe, some of us thought, this kind of virulent talk means that different people in America have different experiences in America! Maybe a white granny saying things like “but the police are always so polite to me when they pull me over! I never feel like my life is in danger!” makes about as much sense as Ted Nugent saying “but Donald Trump has never even tried to grope me! I’m sure that means he never gropes anyone!”
Thank you for making SNL great again
Yep, I was in NYC for the first Saturday Night Live season. It was great. We couldn’t wait for Saturday, and we always watched SNL live (well, we had to—television had just been invented). It was cutting edge, fresh, and funny. And then, a mere 40 years later, we realized it was old and tired. The word “unwatchable” was bandied about. But not anymore – Alec Baldwin is so spot-on as Trump that it is almost too painful to watch. Almost.
Thank you for Randy Rainbow
I was getting all nostalgic about PeeWee Herman the other day – when what to my wondering eyes did appear, but Randy Rainbow. Thank you, Donald.
Thank you for getting out the vote
Yeah, some millennials are disenchanted. I feel for them. I’d feel for them more if Trump actually won. The rest of the nation is lining up to vote as soon as the polls open.
Thank you for making me respect Megyn Kelly
The fact she has the word “gyn” embedded in her name made me want to like her.
Thank you for explaining what a sociopath is
Everyone used to think “sociopath” meant some guy with a knife hiding in the shower. But now, you’ve given us a fine example of what a real sociopath is: not a psycho-killer, but a strutting, bragging, lying bully with a black hole where his heart never was.
Thank you for making your brand toxic
We here in New York City have known and despised you for decades. Even if you were as kind and gentle as Mother Theresa, your taste is awful. Who wants gold leaf vomited over every surface? Now, thanks to you, no one does.