Are you white?

My own credentials are well established, but what about you? Are you white? You may not even know it…some people spend their whole lives being white and never notice it at all.

Take this quick quiz to find out if you, too, are white.

Give yourself 1 point for each “A” answer, 5 for “B”, and 10 for “C”. Add up your score and check the answer key at the bottom.

Part 1 – Finish the sentence

Q1 Say it loud…

A. Say it clear.
B. I’m Black and I’m Proud!
C. Because I can’t find my hearing aid.

Maine is lovely this time of year!

Q2 Maine is nice, but be sure to bring your own….

A. Sunscreen.
B. Hair care products.
C. Socks that match your sandals for after sundown.

Q3 There’s no cheese…

That’s cheese, right?

A. Like Kraft Cheesiest Original Mac-N-Cheez.
B. Like the government cheese.
C. Because I forgot to put it on the shopping list.

Q4 Ain’t nothing up…

A. But the clear blue sky!
B. But the rent, m*therf*cker.
C. Until my husband’s Viagra order arrives.

Part 2 – Transportation

I can’t believe that driver passed me by to pick up Denzel!

Q5 When I’m on Broadway and 50th Street, taxis always stop for me because….

A. I put my hand out and wiggle my fingers just like Sarah Jessica Parker does on Sex and the City.
B. I’m Denzel Washington.
C. They can see me wave my cane from blocks away.

He probably gets car service anyway.

Q6 When I’m on Park Avenue and 81st street, the taxis never stop for me because….

A. I enjoy celebrating World Naked Garden Day, and they’re worried about the upholstery.
B. I’m a Brother.
C. They know my walker takes too long to fold.

Taxis won’t stop for you, either?

Q7 In the prior question (Q6), the what does the word “brother” mean?

A. I’m male, and I have siblings.
B. Are you f*cking kidding me?
C. Well, I suppose I might bother some people because they feel I’m too picky. I’m not naming names, but is it so wrong to want things to be done the right way, and to speak up about it? How is that bothering you? After all, wouldn’t it be…oh? What? Did you say “brother”?

Part 3 – Culture & Current Events

Q8 Who is James Brown?

A. John Brown’s first cousin.
B. The Godfather of Soul.
C. The Godfather of Soul.

Q9 Kwanzaa is…

A. Usually served with flatbread.
B. A celebration of cultural heritage and values, and a source of community pride.
C. Why is that menorah missing a candle?

I didn’t know you can spell “Hanukkah” like that!

Q10 Last year, some NFL players “took a knee” during the national anthem. They did it because…

A. They don’t respect the flag or this great country.
B. They were making a silent and dignified comment on the entrenched and institutionalized racism in this great country.
C. Their knees still bend that way.

Wish I could do that without asking Coach to pull me up afterwards.

Q11 Breakdancing is…

A. A vibrant art that reflects the joy of Mother Africa.
B. Something the tourists like.
C. What my doctor said happened to my hip.

Tried to keep up with this crew, when I shoulda stuck to the Foxtrot.

Answer key:
Under 20 points
You are white. Please don’t stand next to a wall unless it’s painted in a deep jewel tone.

Between 21 and 50
You are not white. Maybe African-American, maybe Dominican. Maybe you are white, but you married a Dominican who grew up in the Bronx. It’s possible. I wouldn’t know.

Over 80
The number of points in this category add up to your age. By this time in your life, your grandkids have all married out of their own ethnicity and sometimes into their own gender, and frankly, people didn’t act like that in YOUR day! You can’t tell who’s black or white or male or female … which would be racist and sexist, but no one under 40 can figure out your ethnicity or gender, either.

That’s the benefit of age.

2 comments

  1. You still crack me up!! I scored 35ish!!

    BTW Katy and Mackenzie are coming to NYC the end of June. They are doing a mission trip with our church! I just know you want to run into them on the street where they will offer to pray for you and tell you how to become saved!!.

    If you hurry you can still get out of the city before they come!!

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