Happy new year! Here’s hoping 2018 will be the best, biggest, most amazing year ever. It’s certainly on track to break all previous records. You’ll be ready for the future, with Jane’s
Amazing Predictions for 2018
Tax Accounting gets sexy
Again. Remember, a long time ago, when accounting was not considered to be artistic? When accountants were not supposed to be crazy visionaries? Enron changed all that, but Enron is going to look like a 3rd-grade spelling bee compared to what’s coming down the pike. Start lining up to get an autograph from this guy,
because 2018 is when creative accounting is going to come into its own. People like you and me – well, me – who rent instead of own and who already have consulting S-corps will be flying high! Oh – wait – you have a paycheck and a mortgage? Sorry, sucka!
Weather Channel gets sexy
Weather channel, I love you guys – but why are all your ads for people who can’t put on their own socks? Not this year – this year, a massive tropical hurricane meets a thousand-
year blizzard, wiping out the Eastern Seaboard from Miami to Halifax – and people who still have power will suddenly discover Paul Goodloe. People who don’t have power will still discover him when he shows up on their street and does interviews.
AI Owns the World
Robots will finally rule us all. Kidding! AI will continue to make incremental progress. The biggest win will be when it can pair chemical signatures in beer with concepts like “hoppy”
or “a hint of butterscotch” to create new beer flavors and names. Roombas still won’t know the difference between cleaning your floor and coating it in puppy poop, and although cars will get better at helping human drivers, they won’t be ready to self-pilot in 2018. Not by a long shot.
World’s Problems take a break for a Royal Wedding!
I’m going to go out on a limb here, and predict that the wedding of Prince Harry and Meghan Markle is going to get a lot of media attention. Nuclear tensions with North Korea,
Brexit woes, failing economies, rotting infrastructure, and loss of healthcare – who cares when you can watch a princess in a coach? An AMERICAN princess in a coach?
Crazy Cult does something Crazy
We are SO overdue for this one. The last really crazy suicide cult was Heaven’s Gate in 1997! Don’t tell me the U.S. has run out of wild-eyed profits and their glassy-eyed followers? Come on, people! This is America! We’ve overplayed the “Jesus is coming for us” meme, we’ve overplayed “the mothership is coming for us” meme – but that doesn’t mean nothing is left! Crazy has never let me down before, and I’m guessing it won’t in 2018.
Red Alert- Data Breach
Yeah, this one is a stretch. I’m predicting that millions of consumers will have their data exposed to baddies…again. Names, social security numbers, mother’s maiden name, name of first pet, name of first boyfriend/girlfriend, favorite band, favorite food, model of first car,
name of street you lived on in first grade, middle name of father, name of oldest niece or nephew, favorite breakfast cereal – all will be revealed. Unfortunately for the baddies, this information can only be used by AI algorithms that successfully match consumers to beer.
Racism and Sexism are Dead.
Eight years of an African American president plus one great hashtag mean that racism and sexism are no more. Glad we got those out of the way!